rodneykong: ghostgif: 98% of divorces are caused by Mario Party yes your honor, this marriage can no longer work out after the trauma I suffered from my wife stealing not one, but TWO of my stars
Brought up by swans.: on appearance →
eliseii: every time I see a tweet or facebook status along the lines of “ladies, you don’t have to wear so much make-up! boys think you’re beautiful just the way you are,” I want to be like, dude. we’re not doing it for you. maybe boys are secretly jealous that they don’t play with make-up and can’t turn…
andrewpauldost: i just saw a post like “kids these days dont even know what a vhs is” like why do people think kids of modern day dont know about past events like i know what fucking morse code is but i dont use it to order a pizza
poopflow: a sex position called the gatsby where you stare longingly at your partner from a distance and scream old sport when you climax
callmekitto: internetfeet: People mistake ovulation and menstruation to be the same thing when in fact they aren’t Ovulation is when the eggs are saying “hello friends I am here” And menstuation is when the eggs are saying “goodbye friends I am gone” THIS EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE 40x BETTER THAN MY ENTIRE SEVENTH GRADE SEX ED CLASS.
slydig: tsarbucks: slydig: dont be mean be median or mode damn math fandom bloggers
chekhov: When people with URLs such as “tittyminaj” make dumb posts I am not surprised
When my crush breaks up with his girlfriend
stillwatersofconsciousness: radish is a really accurate name for a vegetable because they’re pretty cool but they’re not that cool
they say i'm up and coming like i'm fucking in an...
i need a job where do i find one i cant continue going to sleep at 4am and waking up at noon and sitting on my laptop all day or can i?????????
witchyhellbroth: pinenolanapple: it takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm but 15 to say “it’s called a clitoris and it’s right here” #don’t ever fake an orgasm let them know they disappointed you
time0fyourlife: when guys talk about how gross periods are i just laugh because guys have a floppy piece of flesh that gets hard and that’s pretty fuckin weird, bucko
scraggay: I C ANT BREAHTE MY GRANDMA HAS ALZHEIMERS AND JUST SAID TO MY PREGNANT SISTER “DAMN YOU GOT FAT” OMG
me: i'm just going to rest my eyes for 5 minutes.
me: wakes up march 27th, 2098.
psilentasincjelli: If I ever tell you I’m going to sleep and then you see me posting or liking things online for about an hour immediately after that, I promise I wasn’t lying to you, I’m just bad at going to sleep and it is usually a long process that begins with disengaging from any sort of immediate contact with people (chats, for example) and ends when everything on my screen is blurry and...
you make me so fucking happy